Gift baskets are out of fashion!  Or is it that they’re just plain boring?  Actually, I hope the correct response is neither.  (Lock it in; that’s my final answer.)  You see, I make my living by selling gift baskets (among other food gifts).  Granted, it may be less significant that solving the global warming problem or removing a pesky mouse from under your kitchen cabinet, but it’s an honest way to pay for the roof over my family’s head.

I can read your mind: “All of his gift problems are solved; year in and year out everybody on his list gets stuck with another gift basket.”  I want to disabuse you of your smug attitude!  In fact, I face the same dilemmas that you face during any gift giving, decision making crisis.

I do not give food filled bundles of joy to my entire gift list.  (Well, maybe most it.)  However, even if I did, the choice would still not be easy.  My company alone offers scores of fruit baskets, wine gift baskets, gourmet food options and far more.  (I know what you’re thinking right now, “Please, oh please, just tell me where this wonderful paradise is located so that I can go there to buy your most expensive offerings for everyone on my gift list!”  A little patience is called for on your part.)

Before you coerce me into giving away my store location, I want to share my own decision making strategy with you.

My first step is to decide on the appropriate category of gift from the many choices.  If Uncle Milton really has managed to eliminate his drinking problem after a decade of trying, then the wine gift baskets are out of the running.  Instead, I’ll opt for a fruit basket with something seasonal.  After years of ignoring the nutritional value of what he consumed, he could use a few extra servings of fruit in solid form.

Aunt Millie, on the other hand, is a great wine sipper.  Frankly, I don’t know if she really enjoys the wine, but she sure enjoys talking about it.  She loves to let everyone know the best vintage years, the kinds of grapes that are used in various blends and, most of all, how much she spent on the wine you just spilled all over her new carpeting ($95 a square yard).  She’ll get a simple wine gift basket, but I’m not going to spring for the champagne!

My nephew, Alfred, recently married his long time girlfriend.  To tell you the truth, even I agree that it’s about time.  Alfred spent the last eight years trying to decide if she was worth the cost of a diamond ring.  (I suspect that he eventually settled on crystal, which, considering Alfred, would be thought of as generous.)  Alfred always loves to receive cash as a gift.  Well, he’s not getting that from me.  Instead, they’re getting a meal of live lobsters and the trimmings from me.  Actually two, of course.  My thinking is that this is the only way to get his bride out of the kitchen.  Alfred would never pay for a restaurant meal, so, in a sense, I’m sending the restaurant to them.

My second step, after choosing a category is to select a price range that I’m willing to spend on these people.  Then my wife makes me double that amount.

My grandson is getting the latest video game system.  Let’s face it; he is truly special.

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